i could have scanned this but i didn’t want to. instead, an excerpt:
30 april 2008:
i am excited for everything. scared by everything. there are so many transitions, so many variables. i am overwhelmed by it. but then i sit back & look. i pause. i realize how beautiful everything around me is. how beautiful i am. how i have so much to do & give–for myself & for others. though i know not, yet, how to do it all, i have caught glimpses. and i know enough to know i will eventually burst. i will eventually give all i have to give to people who will understand, appreciate, admire, and know. who will see the beauty. i have learned this is possible in a multitude of ways. i have begun to appreciate the little bit of beauty & knowing in everyone. to appreciate its different forms–a little bit here, a little bit there. not all in one coherent spot. instead, all the little branches & connections interact individually. branching off from me. i am the coherent whole. i am solid. i am my world. to seek more would be foolish. there is no more than me. i am here & i am beautiful. outside of me are others, each their own world, who i draw to me. who i connect with. who i show my beauty in hope of a glimpse of theirs. in hope of an understanding expressed not through words but through feeling. through innate understanding. and that coherency comes from multiple parts. comes to me & settles to make me whole.